Day Eight....whew....

I would trade a million dollars for a day with any one of my family members. This includes the dirty Mexican. (Well I’d give a hundred for the Mexican) If this had happened at any of the places we lived before here. I doubt I would be suffering this much. In St. Louis, Tallahassee, Gulf Breeze, or Nashville I would have plans for the 4th of July. I would probably already have a stash of fireworks ready to party, I would have probably been to a few ball games, definitely would have been at a couple of drunk gatherings. I would have scored a home cooked meal more than once. Hell, in Nashville Celine not only washes but also folds my clothes. I would have gone sailing, played basketball, lounged by the pool, chilled at the beach. I would have had at least one dinner out at a nice restaurant. I think my family is trying to teach me a lesson here and I don’t like it, nor do I understand the lesson. Tomorrow is the 4th of July and I am not sure what Petey and I are going to do. Last night we went on a short walk, which made him sleep comfortably through the night. Surprisingly Pete didn’t freak when we were walking because of all the fireworks people were lighting. We will try to go for a walk again tonight.

I have been looking at pictures of our last house and am a little confused. The whole time we lived there I was in some kind of stupor. I couldn’t really focus on anything, my world, the world; our world was so upside down. If you told me the house was pretty I could not agree. I didn’t see the beauty in the place at all. There was so much pain and agony there. The feeling of despair, hopelessness, and fear dominated our lives there. These pictures are absolutely beautiful and this place was a sanctuary while my family went through its own hell. It seems so serene and peaceful, I can only hope we find a place that is this beautiful where we can make a home. Soon!

I hope he is still fishin

I Miss him

Our Daughter's Wedding day. Yes, those are rainbows.

Our view of the world.

I would go to every family event if I could turn back time.
I want Tommy Bahama Furiture. Guess what? I had it.
I never saw the beauty.
How did I not see it?
I am deeply sorry for what I missed.
God was there, My family was there, where was I?

My Best friend was married here. My best friend died here. I lost my best friend here.

When you ask why it is hard to make a decision I never tell you its because I failed you all so miserably. I wasn’t there and had I been there and present, life would have been much easier for all of you. I am scared of doing the wrong thing, again. I am terrified of making a choice because I have made horrible ones up until now. When you all needed me the most I was not there, when I could have made the most difference I was not there. When you all needed your best friend I was not there. The world is passing by and I want to be there.

LESSON LEARNED