Day Ten......

I miss you Mom!

I have some bread out on the counter; I put it there yesterday. It is starting to get moldy so I will eat it here in a little bit. This should help me with how I am feeling I am still achy. Hey, in the long run it will save me some money because I don’t have to buy any penicillin.

Last night was amazing; I have never seen so many fireworks displayed in such a small area. There is no doubt in my mind that the neighbors across the street spent at least a thousand dollars on fireworks. I watched some of them and then I saw them clean up the mess. The garbage from the spent fireworks filled up and rounded the bed of a truck, full sized truck mind you, quite impressive. The thing that tickles me the most is there were police officers at the fireworks store keeping the peace. When patrons entered the establishment they had to sign a waiver stating they were using the fireworks to scare off vermin. How funny is that? Let me tell you there were no vermin in the streets last night because everyone was trying to scare them off.

I wonder if everyone is experiencing the strange feelings I am having today. The last time I felt like this was the last day of summer vacation at my Grandparents before I had to go back home. Kind of the last day of camp, you’re happy to be going home and seeing the people you miss, but you are going to miss your summer fun. That is what I am feeling exactly but I think it is an emotion I am feeling for my wife, daughter, and Dirty Mexican. Let’s call it sympathy pains because that is the only word that comes near what I am feeling. This is like a Ya-Ya Sisterhood of the traveling pants moment.

Today is my wife’s last full day in Bermuda she comes home tomorrow. My daughter and wife love each other so much, I know they will be sad at the thought of parting, they don’t get to spend much time together. I am sad for my wife because I know how much she has enjoyed being there and wished she could stay longer. But like they say one mans’ trash is another mans’ treasure. I look forward to seeing her in my own small way. I missed her just a tiny bit, not much, just a little. To be honest I don’t need her as much as Petey I just want her back for Peter’s sake. Yeah, that’s it, Sweety you need to come home for Petey he needs you.

I am so prooud of my family. I don't know many families that could be together on vacation as long as mine has been without killing each other. I Thank the Lord every night for them.

Fourth of July.....

4th of July Jacksonville

Fourth of July, St. Louis

I woke up feeling giddy, like a child, like I had fireworks I was going to set off. Like I was going to see fireworks. I am some kind of special and I am sick. I received a few phone calls in the middle of the night from a few different countries. It is amazing what your friends decide is ok just because you are home alone. I think it is a guy thing, if any of them thought that my wife was here they would have never called. But they know she isn't, so call away they did.

The Fourth of July we are supposed to be at our lake house or beach house today and BBQ the day away. The children are supposed to get sunburnt, while the men drink to much, and the women are so happy to have their families around.

As I said I am a bit under the weather. I think maybe I have a stomach virus or something. I ache all over that is for sure.

I wanted to share something though. In these pictures that my wife took last night I can see such good people. She captured a side of the dirty Mexican I have never seen before. He looked so happy and carefree. I have never seen this side of him and it warms my heart. I am going to show you a picture of the R I know and them the R that was there last night.

He seems to always be thinking. About what, who knows?

How happy does he look? he looks at ease and that is awesome.

Speaking of "at ease." One of the phone calls I received last night was a discussion on how good my daughter looked. The caller believed that my daughter has turned a corner. The caller said that my daughter had looked sad to him for a long time and that she looked totally different last night. How refreshing to hear my daughter is so happy. I was also told that the caller was so happy to see my wife and so sad to see her go he teared up a little. Oh late night calls, why do you vex me so?


Here are some other folks from last night

This guy looks like my Uncle Mike. When I was a kid he would let us see his playboys and wouldnt get upset when we did stupid kid stuff. The ladies really liked him and I think they like this one too.


This is my daughters good friend, how pretty is she? If you remember from an earlier post she is the one who gets her victims drunk then, well you know.

This Dirty Mexican drank too much and ate everyones' leftovers.

I may be going to Mexic....Bermuda in a few weeks, maybe.

Day Eight....whew....

I would trade a million dollars for a day with any one of my family members. This includes the dirty Mexican. (Well I’d give a hundred for the Mexican) If this had happened at any of the places we lived before here. I doubt I would be suffering this much. In St. Louis, Tallahassee, Gulf Breeze, or Nashville I would have plans for the 4th of July. I would probably already have a stash of fireworks ready to party, I would have probably been to a few ball games, definitely would have been at a couple of drunk gatherings. I would have scored a home cooked meal more than once. Hell, in Nashville Celine not only washes but also folds my clothes. I would have gone sailing, played basketball, lounged by the pool, chilled at the beach. I would have had at least one dinner out at a nice restaurant. I think my family is trying to teach me a lesson here and I don’t like it, nor do I understand the lesson. Tomorrow is the 4th of July and I am not sure what Petey and I are going to do. Last night we went on a short walk, which made him sleep comfortably through the night. Surprisingly Pete didn’t freak when we were walking because of all the fireworks people were lighting. We will try to go for a walk again tonight.

I have been looking at pictures of our last house and am a little confused. The whole time we lived there I was in some kind of stupor. I couldn’t really focus on anything, my world, the world; our world was so upside down. If you told me the house was pretty I could not agree. I didn’t see the beauty in the place at all. There was so much pain and agony there. The feeling of despair, hopelessness, and fear dominated our lives there. These pictures are absolutely beautiful and this place was a sanctuary while my family went through its own hell. It seems so serene and peaceful, I can only hope we find a place that is this beautiful where we can make a home. Soon!

I hope he is still fishin

I Miss him

Our Daughter's Wedding day. Yes, those are rainbows.

Our view of the world.

I would go to every family event if I could turn back time.
I want Tommy Bahama Furiture. Guess what? I had it.
I never saw the beauty.
How did I not see it?
I am deeply sorry for what I missed.
God was there, My family was there, where was I?

My Best friend was married here. My best friend died here. I lost my best friend here.

When you ask why it is hard to make a decision I never tell you its because I failed you all so miserably. I wasn’t there and had I been there and present, life would have been much easier for all of you. I am scared of doing the wrong thing, again. I am terrified of making a choice because I have made horrible ones up until now. When you all needed me the most I was not there, when I could have made the most difference I was not there. When you all needed your best friend I was not there. The world is passing by and I want to be there.

LESSON LEARNED

Day Seven in my own World….

I received this photo from my amigo D. Sanchez. He was passing through Guadalajara on his way to the States and he saw this woman and thought it may be my daughter. Guess what? It is my daughter I don’t think I will be seeing her again you can see she has been consumed by the ways of the Mexicans. You can see the heat that envelops her; I wouldn’t doubt her dirty Mexican boyfriend is using her as a mule.

Petey follows my every move it is so sad. I think he is scared I will leave him and then he will be all alone. The number seven is an important number for me as it is my favorite number and my lucky number. Today though the number seven represents a calendar week that I have been alone. I find that if I don’t leave the house that I become very distraught and depressed. So today I left the house to get us lunch from a fast food hole.

The neighborhood children are outside setting off fireworks, I hope that they start shooting at each other soon. I know some of them will end up severely hurt and I am ok with that. One of the children’s’ Nerf balls has been in the backyard for a while. I brought it in and soaked it in antifreeze hoping they will eat it. I have heard this works in getting rid of pests. I threw it back into their yard and hopefully things will get real quiet over there soon. Their Monkey of a mother may end up eating it making me very happy. No, No, I kid, I kid, ……maybe.

Earlier I had the inclination to give myself a little treat. I have done nothing special this whole time. I definitely have not had a decent meal these past seven days that is for sure. So I started thinking about maybe going to a decent place for a meal but I forgot I haven’t had my neck shaved in awhile, so that is out. So I had some cereal, honey nut cheerios are not that bad. Petey is looking very unruly, I am waiting until the morning of the 4th to give him a bath because I know he will be absolutely miserable that night.


I am out of frozen meals and I have no idea what we are going to do for sustenance. Life as Peter and I have known it is going to change terribly today. Its as if a third world country has taken over our Rental house. My stomach is distended and I have chronic fat ass. Save yourselves.


What I would give to have my family back!

Day 6 with No one....

I really don't care my daughter has chosen to be with this dirty Man. What really gets me is the subliminal message she is sending me. Do you see it? Look at the computer, notice it now? Jesus may love you, but I think you are an A$$hole. There is no question in my mind who this is aimed at. I just wish she would leave Mexico and come home. He is so greasy! If you look real close you can see a dirty mexican dog.

I walked out into the front yard this morning to retrieve the garbage can. Petey came out with me and just started walking down the road. I watched in silence for a while as he continued down the road. I thought at first he was running away but he looked back at me as to say “goodbye.” At that moment I realized he was moving out and I don’t blame him. He needs to go out, and follow his dreams, I am just holding him back. I watched until he was almost out of sight then started to take the trash can back in. He came running into the garage behind me, like he was happy to see me, like it had been years since we had been together. We grunted and ran around the house so happy to be back together. In his own way I could tell he was concerned that I didn’t come get him when he left. So I told him through a form of charade type acting, that I do not know what the future holds, so save yourself. It was hard to act it out, but he understood and I rubbed his belly.

I received a phone call this morning from a lady asking me how I was doing? As I have stated before my communication skills and auditory functions make it hard for me to reply, “fine.” I was brought to tears that this stranger thought enough to call me and ask me about my life. We had a long talk about what has been happening in the world. What we think is going to happen in the future. She said she is sending over some witnesses, of some sort, to visit with me. I am just so happy I will have company soon. I have to go get some chips and dip. I couldn’t be more excited to have guests.

My age has crept up on me and I just recently realized that I really don’t have an opinion on many things. I remember one time in a class the instructor told us she and her husband could not agree on how toilet paper should be put on its holder. The paper coming over the top, or coming from the bottom, each thought that their way was right. It never occurred to me that I should have an opinion on such matters. I am just happy when there is paper there when I need it. Today I had a breakthrough, I definitively like the toilet paper coming over the top. Now my next question is, “What am I going to do with the rest of my life?”