Life without a Wife

For the next 10 days I am wife-free. The beautiful misses is off in Bermuda visiting loved ones. 10 full days of not having to cook or clean. I will let my beard grow to Grizzly Adams proportions. I will scratch myself and make manly noises without any shame. (Because sometimes I do have shame, sometimes) If I don’t plan these next 10 days out they will pass by and the only thing I will have done is try the new Samuel Adams Summer beer. Note to self, pick up some Samuel Adams beer.
So here is the playbook as I see it. It will be ever evolving and changing, don’t think of it as a static plan but as a flowing life form, ever changing and reinventing itself. I am going to keep my notes on the happenings here for everyone to follow along and live vicariously through me (or just laugh at me). SO First things first I have to get the house nice and clean. Why, you ask? Because I can’t do anything when I know my house is dirty. Hush, hush, and don’t make fun of me it’s an issue I am dealing with.

Here is what has happened thus far:
1. I removed all of her bedding from the bed so I can dominate the whole King size bed. I do enjoy using all of the bed its a little treat as far as I am concerned.
2. I cleaned one of the bathrooms already and designated it as off limits. No one will use this bathroom until the lady of the house returns.
3. I have decided that mans best friend can share the bed while I am alone so that means at some point the dog needs a good bath.
4. I consumed maximum portions at “Flavors” Indian restaurant so I will not have to cook anything this evening. This is kind of Guy code, eat out so you don’t have to clean. This will become vital after I clean the kitchen at some point. Because I don’t want to clean it twice.
5. I have laundry going. I am going to try to get everything in the house clean and then just wear 2 pairs of underwear while I am alone. One pair for when I am home and the other for when I go out. This is a model of efficiency that I believe will produce the best results.

A few issues have already arisen. The first is I don’t know where we keep most of our stuff. I was able to find the cleaning supplies but sadly I am not sure how to use some of them. The second is I have made a stand over the past year to not deal with Tupperware (or Tupperware type stuff). So I have no idea where it goes or even how to stack all of it once I find it.

Tomorrow has a couple of decisions for me to make. I am either going to Wal-mart to pick up a few items or I will go to a strip club. One place is full of people who look beat down and sad with their lives, but they have cheap food. The other has naked women, lol.
So I will probably go to Wal-mart. If anyone has any suggestions, let them fly.

Honey if you read this, where do we keep the Tupperware?

Fernandina beach on Amelia Island

There were fresh baked goods, crab cakes, hydrangeas, wines, coffees and a plethora of other goods. One particular vendor had pitas he had just made earlier that morning, I regret not purchasing any, and they looked so good. The crowd was a mix of young and old, many of whom had ridden their bicycles to the market, contributing to the small town ambience of the morning. Greetings of “Good Morning” and “Hi, How are you?” filled the air.
After we had perused all the offerings of the market we decided to walk through downtown along Center Street. The road was lined with large trees giving everyone much appreciated shade and framing a picturesque downtown.
There were plenty of little shops and boutiques. Some we have seen many times before and a few that were new to us. We struck up a conversation with the proprietor of “Go Fish” about the area. We inquired whether this area was a tourist destination or just a small town. She confided in us that there are many tourists visiting now but that in the off-season they depend on the locals to make ends meet. I can’t say that the area felt like a tourist destination at all, it felt like Anysmalltown, USA.

(The photographer that took these pictures is getting better and better at her craft)

Outside the bookstore on Center Street there was an author selling/signing his book “Peter the Pelican.” Jerry “Pop” Bishop, the author, was one of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet. He shared with us that the inspiration for his book, Peter, has visited him every winter since 2000. The book contains a picture of Pop and Peter on their dock. What a wonderful little find this was. We do not have any children but decided we wanted a copy of the book anyway. He signed his book and posed for multiple photos

We had a refreshing lunch at “Brett’s waterway café” overlooking the Amelia River. The water taxi from Fernandina to St. Mary’s Georgia is running now and while we were dining the water taxi pulled in with quite a few passengers. Next time we will plan on taking the water taxi for an evening ride. We will be sure to make it on a Friday evening when there is all you can eat crab legs at Langs seafood in St. Mary's.

The houses in the downtown area had so much character; there was a little bit of Savannah, New Orleans, and Charleston.
"These folks looked so comfortable and content"

With a bit of sadness we decided it was time to leave. We drove out to the beach to say goodbye. The beach there rivals anything you would find in our area and the people were out in droves enjoying the sunshine. More than once I heard the words, “I would love to live here.” I have to say I agree it would be a wonderful place to call home.

Things that make you go hmmmm

Here is a picture of our house. Mrs. Bumble claims to be very picky about how clean we keep our house. We work diligently to keep our house nice and neat.



I made a pact with myself about two weeks ago. I decided I was tired of doing dishes and making dinner. So I pretty much stopped making dinner. I thought that this may upset the balance in the house but it really went unnoticed. Not only did no one in the house get upset that there was no “hot meal” every night, no one took it upon their selves to make dinner. So in my house we sit until everyone is so hungry that they can’t stand it and then we argue over what food to go pick up, Chinese food, McDonashits, etc. This is not the reason for this post though. This post is to discuss a phenomenon in my house. I like the word “phenomenon.”

Since I have stopped making dinner I thought that my time spent doing dishes would decrease dramatically. Oh how wrong I was, I still do dishes every freaking night and most times twice a day. Mrs. Bumble has to have a special cup for her meds in the morning then she has a coffee mug she immediately dirties afterwards. Then miraculously with no food in the house to take for lunch she produces multiple pieces of Tupperware that have been used. This last tidbit is being investigated by multiple government agencies. It is believed to be connected with the disappearance of greasy food in “area 51.” It is my belief she takes the Tupperware to work and lets other people heat their food in the Tupperware so she can bring it home for me to wash. Beyond Mrs. Bumbles Tupperware exploits I have no idea who dirties all the freaking dishes. There are many days that I walk into the kitchen and freak out wondering who has been in our kitchen. I know this isn’t confined to my house so let me ask you all. Do you still have a mess of dishes everyday even though you don’t make a mess? Well………


By the way these are very much like the lights I want to hang in our backyard. We will drink wine under them on cool evenings and warm ourselves by a fire. This is Outdoor D approved.



Disclaimer: the picture of the living room is not exactly our house we rearranged a few things so that those who know us will not be embarrassed.

ENVY

ENVY-
1: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage

I am very envious of many people and places. I do not dislike those whom I envy; as a matter of fact I am happy for them that they have attained something I desire. Envy does not have to be a negative emotion it can be something used as motivation to attain what is desired. I am going to share with you a few people and places I envy.

Europe,
Yes, I envy a whole continent. Seeing as I have never been to Europe the only exposure I have had is from movies. The movies depict Europe as a place formed by culture and traditions that dates back to time immemorial. It seems full of wonder and I don’t believe there is anyplace that is more romantic than Europe. “Under the Tuscan Sun,” “A Good Year,” and here recently, “The Holiday” have all formed images in my mind about Europe. Europe seems full of whimsy, fun, history, and carefree lifestyles. The homes, cars, weather and people are all so different and wonderful. To see an English hillside home that is hundreds of years old with its weathered walls and roof that has a plasma television on the wall confounds me. The women are all beautiful, the settings all-perfect, and I don’t believe there has been a more romantic place depicted in the movies than Italy. The history and cultures that Europeans share is what I envy the most. Thus far, in my countries young life, we have done some amazing things. We have been a pretty positive force in the world until recently and we are still very young. As far as history is concerned we are youngsters and the European nations are far more experienced. Europeans seem to have a sense of where they stand in history and who they are in every sense of the word. Traditions, cultures, religions, scars of wars, generations of the same family in one place, all make up the Europe I envy.
PS- don’t forget about the food either.

Stinky Pete

I wanted to write about today so that in the future when I think I am having a bad day I can read this and realize everything is pretty good. This story actually begins yesterday and has just continued throughout today.

It was S’s day off and I was excited about that but I didn’t let that stop me from working out. S slept while I was at the gym, or so I thought. I put her to bed before I left thinking to myself how perfect, she can sleep whilst I purge myself of all the toxins I ingest. When I arrived home from my workout she was dead asleep, like I put my hand in front of her face to see if she was breathing asleep. She was out! I proceeded to shower and take care of this and that until I was ready to leave. I had a few errands I wanted to do, returning shoes, getting some Greek food for lunch, taking S by the Pharmacy to pick up some meds. Just good time spent together kind of a day.

When I woke her up she was groggy and disheveled (I like the word disheveled). She then began to explain to me that she had been cleaning up after Petey the entire time I had been gone. He had been sick multiple times around the house and she was understandably upset. So my first plan had failed she had not slept while I worked out. I believe that shortly after she awoke Petey reminded us he still had some food in him. So S cleaned that, I offered to help but she was livid (another word I like, Livid) and was not going to have it. I suggested that we keep Pete in his kennel whilst we were gone so as to stop the barrage of carpet cleaning. S looked at me like I said, “lets kill the dog” it was decided that was a stupid idea.

So I figure this day is only going to get better, so off we went to return shoes and get yummy Greek food. We had spent too much time cleaning up after Peter and were now hungry so we decided to do the shoe return after lunch. So off to downtown Saint Augustine we went. I, Just making small talk said, “You know everyone says Saint Augustine is a tourist trap.” We agreed it was not in fact a tourist trap and were excited that we were so smart. We arrived at the area where the Greek restaurant is located to find that Saint Augustine is in fact a tourist trap and it was a very effective tourist trap seeing as there was nowhere to park and the tourists were everywhere. So the Greek restaurant plan died. We quickly devised a plan to go to another restaurant based on one of S’s friend’s recommendations. When we arrived it was an “N” type of restaurant, I would like it but it was not a restaurant S would like. I saw it in her face and knew there was nothing she wanted in that hippie dive. Plan aborted again. At the end of the strip mall the hippie place was in there was a chicken wing place and I know that my S loves chicken wings. It was OK but the fact that we were both wearing white shirts and got buffalo sauce all over ourselves didn’t help at all. This plan succeeded and then quickly failed.
To recap we were 0 for 4 for the day.

With Buffalo sauce all over us the shoe return had been canceled. If your keeping score that’s another one down. It was at this point S and I were not sure why we were together and were considering separation. The rest of the day tanked. When we arrived home Petey had decorated many more spots on the carpet with what I can only call his artistic side. I dared not say a word about the kennel for fear of my life. S was super pissed I mean wanted to kill pissed. The rest of the day was a lost cause.

I decided to kennel Petey for the night and he did well with no issues. When I awoke and let him out he did his business and I decided to cordon him off in the kitchen where it is all tile. On recommendation from N, I made him some rice and he immediately returned it to the floor, thank goodness it was on the tile. After that I decided to take him to the Vet. The Vet decided that it is either gastroenteritis or there is an obstruction.

I have been cleaning up vomit throughout the day and am hoping that Pete gets to feeling better by tomorrow or he goes back to the Vet.

Damn you Bin Laaden DAMN YOU

Orlando

Is there any question these two make a perfect couple? The similarities are remarkable. (our SIL doesn't swim and doesn't show off so these pictures are top secret)

Errlando, well actually it was Kissimmee which is where the black hole is located. By black hole I mean where people and cars disappear for long periods of time with no explanation. R and N decided to rent a house and visit with their extended family. This was all new to us, the whole go somewhere and set up shop like we “kind of live there.” R and N have perfected this and seemed at ease during the visit. We are much more of the drop our bags and hang out vacationers, whereas they are drop their bags and run vacationers.
Let me discuss the high points of the trip. We were able to meet R’s sisters and their husbands. This was the first chance we have had to meet them and we really enjoyed their company. They were all so different yet so much alike. The fact they are Canadians may have hampered our countries relations but I think for the most part everything went well. We went to SeaWorld and watched the Shamu show. I have been to SeaWorld on 3 separate occasions and each time the Shamu show has affected me emotionally and this time was no different. I was fearful that I would be the only person who was affected by the show but at the end of the show everyone in our group was teary eyed. R rented a sweet ass ride, a convertible Chrysler crossfire that did 113 mph with no trouble.
This is what the kids looked like for most of the trip.

We also dined at Maggiano’s Italian restaurant, one of our favorite places, and had a wonderful time visiting with one another.
Now let me discuss the low points. I would venture a guess that the whole city of Orlando is a large parking lot but in particular the area we stayed in was terrible. For even minor trips to the grocery store or to pick something up was a major incident. The traffic was unbearable and when we thought we were free of the traffic by making it to a major interstate (I-4) oh how wrong were we, the traffic just continued. We ran all over the damn city looking for this and that. Thank the Lord that R had a GPS or we would have found nothing. R and N missed their flights multiple times. R drove off from a gas station with the gas nozzle still in the tank. Thankfully it broke away easily as they drove off.

What made it all worthwhile? N got to visit with her aunt Fran. We were able to meet R’s family. We were able to get to know R better. Last but not least the house they rented had a pool. Yes when all else failed, and we were all getting on each other’s nerves, the pool saved all. So if I could just make an observation it would be that a pool is an integral part of a good vacation.

PS- R claims to not be able to swim, what we witnessed was R swimming and putting on a show for everybody. Canadians may not like showing off but R definitely does.

Decisions, Blessings or Curses?

When we are faced with decisions most everyone will choose what is the “perceived” best decision at that moment in time. This brings with it the old adage of “be careful what you wish for.” But what happens when many years pass between the initial decision and the actual execution of that decision. Many people choose to marry someone they think is the perfect mate only to realize later that they made the wrong decision and end up divorced. That may be to generic of an example but it rings true for all decisions. I chose a long time ago to be an attorney, the beginning of college to be exact. All of my grades had to be perfect so I could go to Law School. Everything I achieved while in college was with the sole intent of becoming an attorney. Since graduating many things have changed in my life and my relationships. People who I thought would still be here are gone, best friends are no longer a part of my everyday life, my family is completely different than the day I made the decision to be an attorney. So it goes without saying that my motivations then and now have changed. Those who have careers already would probably switch places with me in a heartbeat to have the decisions that I do. I actually have quite a few friends and family who could face this same decision at a moments notice. But having these options are as much a burden, as it is something to be envied.
If decisions are made based on the information available at the time and the desired outcome of that decision. Then that decision is only right at a certain point in time in ones life. The information and desired outcome can change at a moments notice. This has led to paralysis in my ability to make a decision.
My information was this. I really didn’t care whether I had much time for my family when I decided to be an attorney. The money was at the forefront of my decision followed closely by the prestige and importance of being an attorney. At the time I had dreams of flying all over the world settling multi-million dollar cases while living the high life. My personality at the time of the decision was perfectly tuned to be an attorney. I wasn’t interested in making the world a better place, I was interested in making money and if that meant someone lost their life savings because of it, so be it. Living close to family was very low on my list of importance. I could easily revert to this person without losing sleep and I know money can do that to a person.
Today is a much different scenario. I am not a better person than I was, just in a different situation. My family has become very important to me (sad that it took so long but true) I want to have as much time as possible with my wife and kids doing the things we love. I want to spend as much of my life as possible in, on and near the ocean. I want to set us up for a low stress lifestyle. My focus is on simplifying our lives and enjoying our time together. I want to choose a career that will allow me the flexibility to live anywhere. Having a lot of money would be nice but it is not the most important thing. As long as we have the basics covered with enough to travel a bit then things will be good, actually they will be great. So it is with these new parameters that I enter the decision making process once again. It is this decision I am faced with and have to make within the next few weeks. I haven’t been praying about it enough but just realized that and will start tonight.
What I want, my wife, and children all near the beach doesn’t seem like much. But I imagine that this is close to being everyone’s dream and only a few ever attain it. I know if I can pull this off that the joy my family and myself will experience will be greater than anything we could ever imagine.